Rep. 95toocool

Biographical Statement

Rep. 95toocool represents the Sussy 14th District and chairs the Committee on Standards & Self-Assessment, with concurrent assignment to the Subcommittee on Emerging Threats. The Representative is the only member of the 119th Congress to have entered a numerical self-evaluation into the Congressional Record as a term of address, the figure of ninety-five (95) having been submitted without supporting methodology and accepted by the body without objection. The Office of the Parliamentarian has twice been petitioned to determine whether the said figure constitutes a percentage, a percentile, or a temperature, and has on both occasions declined to rule. The Representative is further the author of two (2) standing hazard advisories of record, transmitted to the body at irregular intervals and without accompanying particulars: the first reporting "a figure in the fog," the second reporting "something dying underneath the porch with the dog." Neither advisory has at any point been amended, withdrawn, escalated, or resolved. The Subcommittee on Emerging Threats has repeatedly moved that the Representative disclose the identity of the figure, the species of the something, or the present condition of the dog, and the Representative has on each occasion declined, maintaining that the record speaks for itself. To the same tradition belong the Representative's standing interrogative "Who Me?", entered without antecedent and sustained without explanation, and the privileged non-answer "Why would I tell you, eh?", adopted from a source reported to have been suspended for deploying it against a schoolmaster. The Representative is a co-founder of record of the Low Taper Squad, chartered November 27, 2024, and was the moving party to the rupture designated The Falling Out, in which the Representative severed relations with Rep. Gohn Franklin upon a secondhand report, heard the said Representative's defense, found it sound, and severed relations regardless. Reconciliation has since been tendered on several occasions, each subsequently entered into the record as insincere. Constituents may further note that the Representative was, for a period of some weeks, comprehensively deceived by a colleague operating in plain sight under an assumed name, and that a separate jurisdiction has permanently excluded the Representative for the simulation of an involuntary tic disorder and for unsolicited remarks addressed to its proprietor concerning the Christmas holiday. The Representative has further been recorded as maintaining that the remaining five (5) points are held in reserve.

Office Record

Party Affiliation

Sussy Caucus

District

Sussy 14th District

Date First Seated

August 22, 2026

Order of Seniority

No. 5 of 13

Floor Seat

Sixth row, right aisle

Committee Assignment

Member, Subcommittee on Emerging Threats

Page Views (Public Inspection)

28

Verified Credentials

As reported by the Office of the Clerk via secure liaison with the Discord Registry. Updated continuously.

Public Handle of Record

@95toocool

Display Name

95toocool

Discord Identifier

698336014871298130

Account Created

April 11, 2020

Designated Tag

SC

Public Flags

None on file

Legislative Activity, 119th Congress

Contact & Constituent Services

Constituents seeking to communicate with the office of Rep. 95toocool are directed to the appropriate group chat at their earliest convenience. Written correspondence may be addressed to: